8th Maxim List of Faulty Logic

After being on this board, and checking out others from time to time, I thought it might be useful to collect a standard list of rube logic that constantly gets spewed and annoys the lot of us here to no end on a regular basis (and, in fact, pushed most of here in the first place). Perhaps this could even be an easy reference point to direct offenders. Something along the lines of "that sort of idiocy is the number 3 line of dipshit fan logic" or whatever.

Please feel free to add to the list and make it better than what little I've come up with. I just wanted to standardize all the moronic VolNation-like commentary from over the years. So, here we go:

Moron Fan Logic

1. Maybe you should be the coach.

2. If we fire him, who are we going to get?

3. You need to support the coach
- Any variation of the "Go root for Bama/Florida/Vandy/etc." (True Fan Argument)

4. The coach has more info, so I'll defer to him.

5. ESPN/Rivals Rankings/Illuminati/Jesus hates UT and this is the only reason this negative story, low ranking for a UT recruit or whatever is coming out.

6. Don't talk negatively, recruits read this board.

7. You wouldn't say that to [insert player]'s face.

8. We need to recruit Tennessee players. They'll play harder for the "T" more than someone from out of state, even if they are more talented.

9. The players feed off the negativity of message boards, so keep things positive.

10. We shouldn't get ahead of ourselves and talk about teams later on in the schedule. Take one game at a time.

11. We need coaching stability for recruiting.

12. [Insert low rated current star player] was only a 2 star, so it goes to show that recruiting ratings are irrelevant. Loading up on 4 and 5 star players is, essentially, the same as 2 stars. (Also known as the [ddiapos] recruiting delusion)

13. We have a 50/50 shot at beating Bama, even if we are a huge underdog.

14. UT hired Coach [insert Pat Washington, I mean, any coach], so he must be good.

15. Wait til Peyton comes back as coach. Best offense ever will follow.

16. It's not the coaches fault the players are too slow, can't tackle, put themselves in correct positions, wipe their ass properly, etc.

17. Poster A is more reliable than Poster B because he has more likes.

18. 4/5 star recruit for Bama? Overrated (with character issues). 3 star for Tennessee? Sleeper, future Patrick Willis.

19. Tennessee has a boatload of silents ready to commit any day, or during some special moment, like the Army AA Game or prom.

20. Tennessee has the greatest tradition in college football and recruits love this.

21. Character trumps talent and skill in recruiting a player.

22. The problem is that our expectations are too high. You have to realize the limitations of coaching at UT. (Shhhh, I can't say it out loud, but there's not enough black people around here.) Henceforth know as the Mike Hamilton Theory.

23. Bama winning the NC for the SEC helps our recruiting. They are our conference brothers and we should root for them in the bowls.

24. Sports are cyclical, so we're gonna win a title pretty soon due to our natural down cycle of hiring shitty coaches.

25. Writing a, possibly, sexually tinged ode to a 17 year old high school QB that could be as easily construed as an invitation NYY writes to potential truck stop conquests as much as a convincing argument to attend Tennessee, is a good idea.

26. We've sucked since Fulmer left, so clearly it was a bad idea to fire him.

27. "Some of you guys just think we should win a national championship every year ." -posted immediately following four score beatdown from mediocre ACC opponent.

28. You can't make any accurate judgments on a coach - however admittedly narrow and preliminary - until "X" years.

29. Historically, we are a .650 team, and should be satisfied with hitting that mark.

30. Continuity is preeminent above all - even if its only continuous underachievement and poor performance.

31. We can't win because we lack talent across-the-board....but these 1-3 recruits will fix that.

32. The Kesling hate is only because he isn't John Ward.

33. Recruits most prefer immediate playing time on a shitty team than delayed time on a consistent winner.

34. Success is measured in something other than hardware, or significant progress toward it.

35. The situation is beyond the coaches remedy, short of a new schedule or wholesale turnover of the entire roster.

36. Buying out of games is a sure-fire sign of strategic savvy, and not near-sighted cowardice.

37. Tennessee's continued place amongst the historical elite is forever guaranteed.

38. Its best to have a coach whom your conference mates like / believe they're the "right" person for the job than one whom they loathe.

39. "X" is only true / right / correct when someone in the Knoxville media says / confirms / refutes it.

40. The Knoxville media is a group of entirely autonomous beings who report everything that they know, when they know it, regardless as to whether UT wishes / wants them to do so.

41. The "problem" is that the fans / students don't show up for games, and not the product on the field / court.

42. The only people who criticize the coach, especially in "Year Zero" are closet "Bammer" fan. (* A special category should be made for people who use terms like
"Bammer", "UGAy", "Candy", etc., although this has nothing to do with logic, or lack thereof.)

43. Fans don't do their integral part in recruiting by leaving the stadium before the game is over.

44. If Brent Hubbs hasn't said anything about a topic, said topic has no validity.

45. Opposing fans opinions about the Vols are less educated on all topics regarding UT and, therefore, any observations or opinions they make are invalid or inferior to a Vols' fan opinion.

 

Nice start.

In one form or another #4 is my choice for max "overkill". #5 being the next most annoying

 

We don't need negativity. You know recruits read the message boards.

 

If you think our O-line is so soft, why don't you try saying it to their face.

 

One of my favorites is the classic "oh great, another one of these" comments if you post a thread or comment about something or somebody sucking, losing, etc...

 

Good one, I'm making that #6.

 

#7

 

Still wondering about this logic, or lack thereof.


KB: Baylor will falter against who? Name the game. Name the price. I'm in.

HAT: $500 Baylor doesn't finish unbeaten. How does that work for you?

KB: Regular season? ETA: and even if it is just regular season, I'd needs odds, or I'd be a fool

HAT: If you need odds, that's pretty much an admission you know they're just another faux power feasting on bad defenses. Who's the best team they have left? Surely such a magnificent offense can handle the likes of Oklahoma and Texas.

KB: I definitely can't fault you for trying to bait me into taking an even money 5-team parlay

 

The only toss ups I see are Alabama and South Carolina.

 

Anything that relates to fans having a large role in whether a team wins or loses.

Similar to the "'cruits read this stuff & you're going to scare them away".

 

*kroots

 

We need to recruit more Tennessee boys. It's a shame Billy Bob over at Coalfield doesn't get a sniff, because he bleeds orange.

 

Aw, c'mon now Jim Bob Cooter was home grown and will be remembered as one of the best names in football

 

Why don't they try DY at running back?

 

Good one. #8

 

I'm going to frame this as #9. I'd like to throw in one about Twitter, but it doesn't really relate to logic, just a weird Sab-like fawning over teenagers.

 

Added another one at #10 that annoys the hell out of me.

 

There was an upset once, therefore every game we are the underdog in is actually a 50/50 game. I can feel it. I had a dream about it too.

 

We need coaching stability for recruiting.

 

"No shit. There are 2 teams in each game. Therefore every game is 50-50, dumbass."