Post Some of Your Favorite Jokes

What animal has two thumbs and is ALWAYS looking for a blow job?


THIS GUY!!!!!!

 

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.


And now you all know why I love to argue: a chance to use my experience.

 

What do you call a cow with Tourette Syndrome?


Beef jerky

 

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because, 7 8 9.

 

Why do women wear white on their wedding day? So the dishwasher matches the other appliances.
Why don't women need a driver's license? There isn't a road between the kitchen and the bedroom.
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you've already told her twice.
What is loud and obnoxious? A woman
Why did God create lesbians? So feminists couldn't breed.
How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't, there's a clock on the stove.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to


You can tell I work with mostly men. lol

 

Sodium and Chloride are walking down the beach, hand in hand, when suddenly Chloride gasps and says, "I think I've lost an electron!" Sodium is aghast, because he never loses an electron, and asks, "Are you sure?"

Chloride responds, "I'm positive!"

 

One of my favorites around the office:

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:

"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend. I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man below says, "Yes, you are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude."

"You must be a programmer," says the balloonist.

"I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

The man below says, "You must be a project manager"

"I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."

 

Nice.

 

Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? Because she was a women.

 

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench chatting about their weekly game of bridge. Suddenly, a guy comes by and flashes them.

One of the ladies had a stroke.
The other one couldn't reach it.

 

Two men walked into a bar.

The third one ducked.

 

Barbara Dooley

 

What did one flatlander say to the other?
'Dimension of us never got around.'

What did the toothless termite say when he walked in to the Shaggy Star Bar?
'Is the bar tender here?'

 

Best one yet

 

Solid

 

Last night I attended a convention for women who had lost their legs.

Place was crawling with [ussy pay].

 

Heard this one today -

What do you call a pig who knows karate?

A pork chop!

 

Good one.

 

The US Navy now has an all female submarine crew, there are no seamen on board!

 

What is brown and sticky?

A stick.