Discussion in 'Sports' started by kidbourbon, May 16, 2012.

  1. kidbourbon

    kidbourbon Well-Known Member

    I went to my first MMA event tonight. Random thoughts.

    I've always said that I like boxing better than MMA, and I'll still say that I like boxing better than MMA, but I definitely did enjoy the event. And so now I have to go to a pro fight. Hopefully a good one. Could be a good excuse to go to Vegas again.

    There are certain times that an MMA fight can be incredibly boring. Like when two dudes are rolling around on the mat with each other for five minutes trying to gain leverage. There really isn't any action to follow. And it's a touch homoerotic.

    That said, when one dude lands a big punch or a big kick and knocks the other dude down, and then chases after him trying to repeatedly crush his skull with his fists while the guy who just got knocked down is basically just raising his feet in the air trying to put them in the chest of the guy who just knocked him down to impede his forward momentum and prevent his skull from getting crushed in by flying fists and elbows....that part is pretty cool.

    There are a lot of hideous girls there.

    The girls that were there that were hot were probably trying to bang Bryce Harper. Yeah, he was there. Doubt that dude has trouble getting his [penis] wet.

    GSP was there too.

    The girl that I went there with is just a friend. She was married when I met her and she remains married and she hasn't been married for that long, and you can just tell from the totality of communicative conveyance that neither me nor anyone else is going to bang her. She's also an investment banker and is both bright and cool. It wasn't just me and her by the way, there were two other dudes. But, anyway, where I'm going with this is that this girl seriously -- no hyperbole here -- might be the hottest girl in the DC/MD/VA area. Legit smoking hot. It's really hard not to stare. In a way it is good to know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is 0% chance of me engaging in coital activities with her. This allows me to skip all the steps associated with trying to achieve success in such an endeavour. But in another way it is a bummer because dear god this girl is a sexy sexy piece of animal and my erect penis very much longs to take shelter within the walls of her vagina. So I just have to tell my erect penis that it isn't happenign and redirect him to other prey. Like, for example, some black girls,

    That was a transition.

    Black Girl Story Tangent:
    Before we went to the fights, we were at this bar and I wander off a little bit and start flirting with this table full of black girls. Six of them. One of them I had been chatting with over by the table I was initially at when she came by to charge up her phone at the nearby plug. This girl clearly wanted to bang me. But of the six girls at the table, there was only one that I would have been interested in banging, and it wasn't her. Anyway, so after I chat her up when she is charging her phone, I wander over with her back to the table where her other five friends are. Somebody asks where am I from.

    I say: "well it all started back in England in the 1500s". [tone is a touch mocking, but not enough to be douchey...funny tone]
    ::laughter ensues::
    "my great great great great great great grandfather came over on a ship in 1627 and him and his family initially settled in Virginia" [again, tone is a touch mocking, but not enough to be douchey...funny tone]
    One of the black girls says: "came over on a ship, huh?"
    I pause and then say: "yeah....that's a different kind of ship"

    Okay, so that was a badly paraphrased version of this conversation that doesnt' do it justice at all. But from the dialogue, the joke was clear. I had mentioned a ship, and then the joke was quite obviously referecing the kind of ship I was talking about versus a slave ship. My delivery was top notch.

    The entire table of black girls busts out in simultaneous slap-your-knee laughter. I seriously wish I knew the exact flow of the dialogue so I could do it justice, but it was one of the funniest lines I've ever delivered. Right in front of me I had 6 black girls, and all six of their 'ginas were a tingling. Let me assure you, those 'ginas, they were a tingling, and it wasn't just a light tingling.

    The bummer of this story is that at this point I'm holding my friends up because we needed to get going to the fights, and at first they were trying not to be too pushy because they could see I was [uck fay]ing tossing out rap to some sistahs, but at this point the signals were clear, and I had to jump off. So I didn't get any numbers, and I won't be going balls deep (not even on the one that probably would have bent over the adjacent table and let me put it in her right then and there).

    It isn't every day that you get to make a 'gina tingle, much less make 6 'ginas tingle. And when you do that, you don't want that 'gina tingling to be all for naught. But on this particular evening, these were the breaks. Those 'ginas tingled in vain.
    End Black Girl Story Tangent:

    What else? Boxing needs to get its game together and get organized or it's simply going to disappear as MMA gets more popular. As somebody who loves boxing, I don't want to see this happen. What can be done?
    Last edited: May 16, 2012
  2. IP

    IP Advanced Pruitt Apologetics Bot

    Love this thread.

    Ya, the ground game stuff is definitely the weakness of it as a spectator. I can appreciate how important that is to winning fights consistently, but if two dudes fought like that in the high school parking lot, the winner would be more unpopular and feminized than the loser.

    Pretty smooth black girl tangent. I'm surprised you didn't just throw a hay maker and ask for the cute one's number. In front of 5 of her friends, with all 6 tingling, you'd have a good chance of her at least giving the number up just to make her friends jealous. And what is there to lose? Outcome-independent overconfidence, and all that.
  3. kidbourbon

    kidbourbon Well-Known Member

    Okay, I left a little bit out. Time was running out on me at the bar. My friends were literally out of the bar and walking towards the car. At this point I haven't even spoken to the cute one directly other than to get her name, and where I'm standing the girl that wants to bang me is at my left. There is another girl on my right. And then the cute one is on her right. I think the one that wanted to bang me was probably saying something to me. She didn't realize that I literally had to leave right then and there. Nobody there did. But I did. So I basically just ignore whatever the one that wanted to bang was saying to me as she was talking to me, and walk around the table one girl to the cute and say something to the effect of: "my friends are leaving and so I gotta go, but can I get your number?"

    The one that wanted to bang me said out loud: "Oh, oh, you feeling her?" Her spirits were crushed.

    It was a bit awkward because I basically scared the cute one by asking for her number. One of her friends tries to throw weak [ock cay] block about "you know she goes to law school don't you". I say, "yeah, I went to law school". They're like "no you didn't". And we've got a couple conversation threads going while I'm just trying to get the number and get out of there. In my rush I made a seemingly small, but ultimately critical error. I went with the put my number in her phon e approach, and then just tell her to text me. I could have just gotten her number, I have no doubt she would have given it to me after one of her friens had tried to give it to me for her, but I had already initiated the putting of my number in her phone, and I had to leave or my friends were going to be really pissed and eventually just leave and tell me to hoof it (it wouldn't have been that far).

    So that was that. I made 6 'ginas tingle. And then I broke one girl's heart. And then I pretty much frightened one girl with audacity. And then I dipped out having probably left a little bit of an awkward residue behind.

    The cute girl -- to be fair, she was just kinda cute, she wasn't blowing your doors off or anything -- didn't text me. And I knew before I even got out to the car that it was going to play out like that. It was too rushed at the end. It killed the vibe. But it's cool. The only scenario in which I would have had even a scintilla of regret is the scenario where I don't try to get the number of the cute. I've gotten numbers with some of the worst lines and most awkward approaches I've ever done. And I've gotten turned down after some very well executed approaches. The only sin, in my book, is in not making the approach.
  4. IP

    IP Advanced Pruitt Apologetics Bot

    This all makes sense. You are still the gina guru.
  5. NYYVol

    NYYVol Super Moderator

    Don't judge your nights by wins and losses, kb. Just the process.
  6. bigpapavol

    bigpapavol Chieftain

    All about process.
  7. JT5

    JT5 Super Moderator

    I've been to a couple of UFC events and probably won't do it again. Too difficult to view the fight through the cage, way too many rednecks, too many wannabe tough guys that think they're Chuck Liddell, and way too many tight affliction shirts. Just not my crowd. I have more fun getting some guys together and ordering the fight on ppv.
  8. Daddy Gee

    Daddy Gee Chieftain

  9. IP

    IP Advanced Pruitt Apologetics Bot

    MFer, you just made me laugh out loud in a meeting.
  10. droski

    droski Traffic Criminal

    There are certain times that an MMA fight can be incredibly boring. Like when two dudes are rolling around on the mat with each other for five minutes trying to gain leverage. There really isn't any action to follow. And it's a touch homoerotic

    My biggest issue with the sport by far. Enjoyed the rest of the post. . . .

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