If I'm giving UCLA a pep talk: Make it happen. Get it done. You got this. Superstars, you are. All of you. Best institution ever. Sweetest Unis. Most historic stadium by some margin. Who can top that? Nobody, that's who. Yeah, so maybe the majority of your student body is asian, and slanty eyes might take some getting used to. But you know what else is slanted? Yeah, you do you filthy animal. But not just any filthy animal. Top of the food chain filthy animal. You take what you want. You impose your will because you can. So go impose it. And don't forget to mention the slanty thing part. And don't be subtle either...make it pretty clear. Because who could say no to that? "Whoah, slanted for real?", said Chip, maybe. Slanty and moist too, amirite. Ooh yeah, it's the moistest. Which is why it's the best institution and the best job for Chip. You know this. I know this. Freaking Marcellus knows it. So go sell it. And seal it. Sideways if necessary. Assume the sale. Make it a done deal. Close it. Git. Ir. Dun. Go! Internally in the mind of KB: oh my god. oh my god. oh my god. This is not good. This is very not good. [uck fay]ing cowboy up, UCLA. Don't you have some straggler silicon valley billionaire alums you can delegate this all to you? Call him, stat. What are you waiting on. Go get Brinks trucks. Forcibly if necessary. What does the man need? Think. Come up with stuff. Then provide said stuff. It ain't astrophysics, nerds. Full operational control. 100 dollar reach-arounds.* Surely you can do something. I'm scared. I'm shaking. Fetal position. Mommy, where'd you go. Come back, and bring pacifier too. Can't deal with Florida having Chip. Not ready for that. Beyond bad. Too bad to happen. Must not happen. Pee just happened. In pants. Whoops. Oh, some poop in there too. Oh my god I'm scared. Oh my god I'm really scared) https://www.cbssports.com/college-f...cted-to-decide-between-florida-and-ucla-soon/ _________ *Oh and of course these 100 dollar reach arounds are done while the person is fellating Chip with passion, zeal, and a taste for something salty. But that part probably went without saying You probably already knew how reacharounds work.
Was my OP a bit hyperbolic? Yes, that was the idea. But am I going to be legitimately bummed out on various different levels if that miserable miserable institution lands Kelly? Yes, the dread will be palpable.
I will feel better if/when Nebraska hires Frost. I also don't want them (or any SEC team) to hire Kiffin.
