Who's awesome with Access?

Well it isn't technically a database, but then it sort of is in that if you know how to use it the same things can be accomplished.

To be clear, I'm not saying I'm that good with Excel. I mean, I'm good enough with it to get by -- crunch some CFB stats, keep track of your sister's menstrual cycle and the various instances I've blown my load to the balls depth of her moist gushy -- but some people can work focking magic with that program. Some guy in Michigan apparently got Excel to perform fellatio on him. Powerful program. Very robust.

 

I don't have any sisters.

 

It's funnier when you play along.

 

Yet. Say hi to your mom for me.

 

I'm giving myself a 24 hour ban for not coming up with that myself. That was right in my wheelhouse. I'm embarrassed.

 

I don't have a mom.

 

Messiah?