Greenville Craigslist Baby Sale

But you do live in a world with thousands of foster parents AND abortion as birth control.

 

For State adoptions, your "cost" is legal representstion, simply to file the paperwork and represent you for the adoption, and sometimes even that is paid / reimbursed, IIRC. I'm thinking less than $2.5k, if that.

I am certain that international adoption - which are all done via a private adoption agencies - are infinitely more expensive.

 

And I see no reason to be happy with either.

 

It was a Texas model.

I know in my county foster parenting is big time money

 

Awesome. Much respect.

I'm pro-choice. I would never choose abortion, mind you. I don't like it, but not everyone is in the same situation.

My bro & sis-in-law are staunchly anti-abortion. They too adopted a preemie drug baby of mixed race. I have mad respect for them & their position.

Ironically, it was a private local adoption where my wife worked my niece's delivery. Pretty cool. I think the world of the little bugger. She's 9 now. I invite her to stay at my house almost every weekend.

 

I can understand thorough vetting, but I don't agree with all the costs and other crap.

 

That's light years away from my point. It's easy to point flaws and tell others what they should do. It's harder to take one's own advice, unfortunately.

And I actually disagree with abortion as birth control for me.

 

My in-laws paid more than double that 9 years ago, then lived on pins and needles for a couple of years out of fear the birth mother wpuld try to get her back.

 

I know two couples that have adopted recently, both through local adoption agencies with regional adoptions. The costs were 25-40k. And the vetting was more rigorous than fbi background checks for political appointee security clearance.

 

I'll even go more personal to let you know my convictions on the matter, Tenny.

During the early part of my wife's pregnancy, we found out that she was a carrier of Fragile X Syndrome. She has a 1st cousin with this & his mother asked the family to participate in genetic studies to get some answers even though her son was already a teenager. The family went along to help & that bombshell dropped on us in the 1st trimester. If we had a boy, chances were very high that he would have Fragile X as well because he would get his lone X chromosome from his mother. If we had girls, the X chromosome would most likely mask the effects of the condition as long as the X I provided had no issues. This wasn't an easy situation to deal with having our first child. In fact, it was pretty much hell because of the worry. Despite that, my wife & I never even thought about aborting the pregnancy much less discuss it. Luckily, I have 2 wonderful and highly intelligent young ladies that excell not only in school, but they are also as kind-hearted and full of concern and compassion for others. My oldest volunteers her own after school time to help tutor CDC kids with theor schoolwork and helps them with Special Olympics at her school. That was her own initiative to get involved

So, not all pro-choice people like the idea of abortion nor would they choose that route in even serious circumstances like I found myself in.

 

Even at $5k, a state adoption is a fraction of the cost of an international adoption.

If they got the child in foster care right after it came into State's custody, and had to wait for the biological parents to work a Permanency Plan, it could have taken two years - but that's an exceedingly long and rare instance before parental rights are terminated, or the child is returned to the biological parents. But caring for the child in your home while the State determines if it's ever suitable for the child to return to the biological parents is exactly what foster parents sign on for.

Once the biological parental rights are terminated (usually 6-12 months, IIRC), they have no more legal standing to petition the court for custody, than I have to file suit for yours, JG's, or a kid who I happen to walk past in the mall.

Not "at you" - but this whole thing of "the biological parents can come back and get their kids" is a terroble myth, and one which keeps already tragically displaced and entirely deserving kids in State's custody longer, often shuttling from one foster home to another, or worse, in a "group home" (read: orphanage). And when they turn 18, unless they go to school and voluntarily elect to continue State supervision, they're on their own, from then on.

After about age 10-12, the window for a kid being adopted is likely closed.

Now, there are a lot of people who sign up to foster a newborn baby via state agencies. Or certain types of newborns are in very high demand. The whiter the better, if you ask. That's why the State almost always have to provide the incentive of adoption assistance (cold hard cash) for people who adopt a non-white baby. Because that's how you best bring in a new baby into your family, by working up the ROI. But, that's reality.

And I don't care what anyone experienced, thinks or believes, but being raised in that environment for much of your life, and then turning 18 years old and being totally alone - no relationships, no safety net, no backup - is a prospect so terrifying as to be difficult to imagine.

Anyone who adopts internationally has, quite literally, side-stepped hundreds of kids within a few hundred miles of their home to do so. Doesn't make them bad people, but that's just the reality.

And between Days 1-643 of Tenny's Admin, international adoptions will be illegal and outlawed.

 

The people I know would be pissed st what you said. I don't know their arguments, but I imagine they dispute the ease and cost of adopting in the states.

 

I legit appreciate the sentiment, but if they disputed any substantive point of what I just wrote, they would be in error. I'm not sure why anyone who has researched and completed the adoption process could honestly mistake the comparative cost of each.

In fact, my original statement was grossly errant.....because State / Foster Care adoption typically costs any money to the adoptive parents, at all.

I know a guy at DCS, and just texted to ask him about this.

Me: I have a bunch of guys who are arguing with me about international adoptions costing less than State adoptions, and re-hashing the sort of baseless rumors about why adopting through the State is so much more expensive, "Mom will come back for the kid", etc.

Him: Ok...

Me: They're good guys, but on this, they've only got second-hand dope. So, how much does it cost to adopt a kid from the State vs. International, in general?

Him: International adoptions are a **** ton more expensive. But even $1 is for international adoptions is more, as State adoptions are nearly exclusively at no cost to adoptive parents.

Me: What do you mean, "no cost"?

Him: Free, asshat.

Me: $0.00?

Him: Yes, that is zero. Don't you have accountants and biz wizzes on there? Have them verify.

Me: I told them somewhere around $1,500".

Him: Then you're off by about $1.5K. And stupid.

Me: So how much does the average State adoption cost to adoptive parents in TN?

Him: Almost every State adoption qualifies for Adoption Assistance, which covers all costs associated with foster care (kids in State's custody) adoptions - home study is free, State pays attorney fees, court costs and even the cost of the new birth certificate.

Me: What about the kids who don't qualify for Adoption Assistance?

Him: That's like 3 out of every 100.

Me: So, what about those 3, asshat?

Him: We file a waiver with the State, they approve it, and pay the fees.

Me: Every time?

Him: In 15+ years, I've done 500+ adoptions in the State of Tennessee - I have yet to have a single adoptive parent pay one red cent ($.01) out of pocket for the adoption. Most get a daily rate of Adoption Assistance, so they actually make money.

Me: How much is the daily rate?

Him: Depends. A very, very few get $0. Most get between $10 - $25 a day, some get a lot more, depending on the needs of the child, as determined by DCS.

Me: Damn. Now, I'm thinking about renting out one of those old warehouses downtown, and signing up to be the foster parent for like 1K kids.

Him: Don't be an asshole, asshole.

Me: Fair. How much does the average international adoption cost?

Him: Several thousand, minimum. If you spend $15 on the registration fee with an international adoption agency, you've already spent $15 more than you'll spend on a State adoption. Then you have travel, and the agency fees, themselves. They are nothing but shitty middle men.

Me: So, you're sure?

Him: Yes, I've been doing this almost every day for 15 years.

Me: What if they need a link?

Him: Are these the same wunderkind e-sleuths who keep "solving" the "many" connection between Trump and Russia?

Me: Sortof. They seem sincere in their belief (hope?).

Him: On adoptions or Russia?

Me: Yes.

Him: Well, that's what really counts. Sincere belief. Tell me when they have proof. Just tell them to believe whatever they read on the internet.

Me: Don't be an asshole, asshole. This answer will go on the internet.

Him: Ok? And this is the one thing on the internet that they'll be skeptical of? Rich. Haha @ them.

Me: They're good guys, just going on hearsay. This clears it up. Thanks, man.

Him: Tell them that Trump adopted one of his kids from Russia, and watch the conspiracy consume them.

Me: Thanks, man.

Him: Tell them that Putin did outlaw international adoptions, so that Russian kids cannot be adopted by Americans. I think that's right. Definitely something fishy there.

Me: What?

Him: See how far they'll take the bait.

Me: No.

Him: You're a Trump fan, but are you also a communist?

Me: No.

Him: That's just what a damned commie Ruskie would say, if asked.

Me: Yeah. LOL.

Him: You're compromised, bro! My god how deep does this conspiracy go?

Me: **** off.

Him: Circling the wagons, IMO. Truth hurts.

 

This is the straight dope.

 

I will arrange and pay for the dinner for Tenny to sit down with some friends of mine and tell them they had no business adopting their kid internationally. I'll even make sure said kid is there so he can look them in the eyes and tell them they aren't as improtant as an American kid and should have been left in their hellhole orphanage in Kenya.

Ruth Chris, Peerless, you name it, my treat as long as I get to see there and watch this conversation.

 

Agree and thanks. Anyone who adopts from anywhere for the sake of the kid is a world-class human in my book.

 

Who said anything about international adoption? And it cost more than $5k. Closer to $10k than 5. As to forfeiture of parental rights, I didn't mention a specific timeline. My niece was right at 12 months when it became official. But still, after caring for a preemie for a year, through all the doctor visits and treatments, not to mention the bonds formed in those 12 months, would be heartbreaking. I didn't mention that to point to a negative about adoption. It was just a reality.

And I said my in-laws adopted a multi-racial child.

And I get the idea you think I'm anti-adoption. I know the older the child, the more likely they will not be adopted. I also know being put out on your own with no one at age 18 would be an horror.

In fact, after reading this post, I'm not sure what or with whom you are arguing because I think adoption is one of the most rewarding, noble, honorable, (insert positive adjective of choice) things a human being can do.

 

Ironically enough, one of my wife's best friend's adopted a baby and the mother came and took it back from them after one week.

 

There must be an explanation for these wildly different experiences. Is this maybe about age availability?

 

If I live in VA can I adopt from TN for free?