Wow, that's wild. Did you not care that you had a problem when it got to the point you were ordering online, or were you sort of in denial about it? You seemed to be lucid enough not to order overseas anymore.
I don't think I didn't care. In denial, maybe. Before it got really bad, I would always tell myself that I could quit whenever I wanted to and that I wouldn't have any problem doing it. But that's what addicts do... they fool themselves into believing they aren't addicts. Once I could finally admit to myself that I was addicted, then I knew I was really in trouble. But getting to that point is extremely difficult.
No doubt about it. The day I got that letter, I kept looking through the blinds looking for cop cars, looking in the rearview on the way to work for cop cars, driving 10 miles under the speed limit. I was scared shitless. That was one of the things that pushed me towards quitting.
It can get outrageous. When I was just drinking and smoking I was spending 300$ a week, that doesn't count the occasional handful of Xanax or MDMA. Knew a dude that was addicted to OxyContin, he was REALLY bad off. Snorting 80's, at least 3 a day. I think those pills were running him about 40$ a pop. He got so bad that he believed that his house was wired and thought that his friends, family and even his wife were out to get him. He was so drugged out he couldn't even feel pain. He got in to a fight with a friend of mine and my friend cracked him in the head with a pool stick and he kept coming at him. Wasn't until he noticed all the blood that he knew he had gotten his head split open.
