I need advice

Discussion in 'The Thunderdome' started by GahLee, Apr 11, 2019.

  1. GahLee

    GahLee Director of Conspiracy Theories, 8th Maxim

    A friend of mine is going through some real shit. On a level that I cannot understand, I've never been this far down and truth be told, I have been pretty far down. I don't know how to approach him, I haven't, not since learning of what is going on. I want to help him, I believe I can help him and his family but I don't do easy landings. It's not my style and I'm not sure how I can approach it any other way.

    Bottom line, a close friend of mine is in desperate need of help, I want to help but I'm not sure I'm the right person to be the first to intervene.
  2. NorrisAlan

    NorrisAlan Super Moderator

    Without much detail, if you are legitimately concerned for his life, then yes, you are the right person. The tact use will vary, depending on what he is going through, but dont let it "work itself out", or you will find you are now without a friend.

    Get some professional help if you are unclear on what to do.
    zehr27 likes this.
  3. kptvol

    kptvol Super Moderator

    What's an easy landing?
  4. Ssmiff

    Ssmiff More fragile than Mr. Glass

    Pills, Cheating, Depression, PTSD, possibly bipolar, heroine?
    Somewhat depends on whats going on, family/friends around him or involved..
  5. NYYVol

    NYYVol Super Moderator

    What's SuperWoman got to do with this?
    fl0at_ and InVolNerable like this.

    NEW COACH Contributor

    I should probably not comment on this thread
  7. NYYVol

    NYYVol Super Moderator

    At the end of the day, your friend, you, me, everyone... we are all a train wreck to some degree. Just be there. Contact him and just be up front you are worried about him and you are there if he needs anything... and advise help.

    You'd be shocked, unless you've been at the bottom yourself, what that one phone call or text can do to someone who needs it.
  8. Ssmiff

    Ssmiff More fragile than Mr. Glass

    Prolly the root of the issue
  9. IP

    IP Grusader Knight Errant of the 8th Order

    Gahlee, the worst thing you could do is nothing. If you aren't the right person, reach out to whoever is. if you can't find them or that person won't intervene, then congratulations! you have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are indeed the right person after all.

    Hard truths are better than nothing, and sometimes soft landings are overrated. whatever happens, you can say you gave a shit and tried.
    A-Smith, NYYVol and NorrisAlan like this.
  10. hohenfelsvol

    hohenfelsvol Beer run

    There is never a right time or place. If you are concerned to the point of fear for your friend's well being, then you are doing your friend a disservice if you don't share your observations at least with them. I think you already know what you need to do and are asking for some affirmation.

    Good luck to you and your friend.
    GahLee, A-Smith and IP like this.
  11. Tenacious D

    Tenacious D The law is of supreme importance, or no importance

    If you err, fail on the far side of love.

    Be persistently present, unyieldingly accepting and unflinchingly faithful to your desire to be actively helpful - whether personally provided, or which you seek, solicit and welcome from any other and additionally possible sources of help and relief - be they personal and/or professional, or both.
    hohenfelsvol likes this.
  12. lylsmorr

    lylsmorr Aight Moderator

    The best way to figure out how to help your friend is to talk to him. You're his friend and that allows you a level of trust. Once you get a feel for the shit that's going down, then you'll have an idea where to go next.
  13. Tenacious D

    Tenacious D The law is of supreme importance, or no importance

    I couldn't possibly know the circumstances of this, and don't need to know them - but if you feel like the person is possibly a danger to themselves or others, please, tell everyone. Right now. Immediately.

    Tell everyone and anyone - the police, physicians, counselors, family, friends, co-workers, spouses, adult children, neighbors, etc. etc.

    And after you've told them, continue to tell them, again and again and again, and for however long it takes, until your friend receives the help that they need, and you have certain assurance that they are no longer a danger to themselves or others. You have no duty to conceal such information, and in fact, would be morally - and perhaps even legally - compelled to report it. In determining who to tell, give absolutely no consideration whatsoever as to whether or not the person and/or others around them agree, welcome or consent to divulging such information, as that perceived betrayal can only be suffered if they remain healthy, safe and alive.

    If you feel like the person is possibly a danger to themselves or others, please, tell everyone. Right now. Immediately.
    YankeeVol and NorrisAlan like this.
  14. IP

    IP Grusader Knight Errant of the 8th Order

    re: talking to friend,

    if substance abuse is a major factor here be prepared for the associated added complications. your friend may be at the bottom of a well, and not fully be available to receive your words. either you or outside help might need to dry them out as step one.

    that may not at all fit the situation, so disregard if they spend the majority of their time sober.
  15. Ssmiff

    Ssmiff More fragile than Mr. Glass

    Yes if chemical dependancy is an issue, it's a different ballgame.
  16. zehr27

    zehr27 8th's VIP

    Best advice I can give you is don't take advice from SSmiff.
    Tenacious D likes this.
  17. Ssmiff

    Ssmiff More fragile than Mr. Glass

    Ive helped a couple people out of the gutter, but also unable to help a couple other times. Just saying if the brain is chemically dependant on meth/pills/cocaine/heroin/alcohol, the level of difficulty is increased.
  18. zehr27

    zehr27 8th's VIP

    I'm still pretty upset about my 1st round loss.
    Tenacious D and Ssmiff like this.
  19. GahLee

    GahLee Director of Conspiracy Theories, 8th Maxim

    Appreciate the responses. I don't want to speak on what is going on in his life, that's not fair to him, even though none of you know him. The thing is, I'm not supposed to know all this. This has been going on for awhile and he has never said anything. I had no clue until another friend, who lives 9 hours away told me. He basically urged me to do something but told me not to say how I learned of all this.
  20. GahLee

    GahLee Director of Conspiracy Theories, 8th Maxim

    By the way, I reached out for the first time today.

    So far, no response.

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