I'm not one to really talk about things like this but wanted somewhere to keep a personal journal and something that can kick start me anytime I decide to slip up. I'm not looking for encouragement and don't like the self promotion "here's me" type of stuff. This isn't easy to type but I hope it's therapeutic. I'm going to pull no punches and I'll share the ups, downs, and anything in between within the walls of this post. Little background: I'm 31 years old, almost 32 with a wife and a 2 1/2 year old little girl. Was always a bit overweight as a kid - had to take lots of steroids as a kid that helped contribute to that. Also, had tons of lung problems as a small child and between both lungs I have they function about like I have a little better than one good one. So that has always been against me a little bit. I was 300+ pounds coming out of High School and then decided to do something about it. Was in college and only had a car payment to worry about so went to the gym and kicked myself into shape. I think I done fairly good........went from about 305 to 235: Then I got a little complacent and quit working out so hard. I stayed in pretty good shape but wasn't killing myself like I was at one time. I managed to break my right ankle, twice (3rd and 4th total time broken) the same summer. After the first break I was back in the gym late summer and getting back in shape again then bang I done it again. I hurt (boo hoo) and pushing my ankle absolutely killed me. It locked up - ached - and I was just giving up. I got complacent and started gaining a bunch of weight back. Bad eating habits and no exercise after I got a real job and got married set me back. No excuses - I'm disgusted with myself for how far it went sideways. I'm now nearly 32 like I mentioned before and now have had a 5th and 6th broken right ankle since then as well as a broken left ankle 2 years ago. I have to face reality. I am now a mind numbing 380 pounds. Somehow because I've tried to do light exercise here and there and play pickup ball and do "some" general exercising from time to time I have maintained only a 46 inch waist. You can look at me and I look fat of course - and I feel fat. I don't like where I'm at in my life and it's unfair for my wife and daughter but I'm also selling myself short in this whole stupid situation. You can think how in the he## can you get to 380? Very poor diet - eating way too much fast food - little self control and the feeling you can't do anything about it. Well, without having to pick up a self help book or see a psychiatrist I know that's complete and total bull%(# and the only one at the end of the day I have to blame is myself and I CAN do something about it. We recently moved from our 2 bedroom home into a new 5 bedroom house and I decided to turn one of the guest bedrooms into a home gym. Lately my biggest "excuse" is that I don't have time to go to the gym between two jobs, taking and picking up my little girl from the babysitter, and home life in general. I have moved into a location where the nearest gym from the house is 30 minutes away - that much is true. So, I'm bringing the gym to me. I can at least do that much..........and have no excuses anymore. I have ordered a Smooth 8.0 CE Elliptical Machine which should be here by this coming weekend. I always done well on ellipticals and they are much easier on my ankles than running or traditional treadmills. My ankles would be grateful I'm sure if I would lose the weight I desire - it's hard for them to carry around my fat ass. They are shot - but that's not an excuse to not exercise. This past fall I went to the gym for about 2 months before I moved and lost about 20 pounds - that I have since put 15 back on - but I could tell a big difference after I got through those first couple of weeks of excruciating pain in my ankles they started to strengthen back up. Anyway, after we moved I quit going to the gym due to inconvenience but should have found some way to not stop. I don't want this to be a yo-yo diet deal. I'm seriously changing the way I eat, live, my outlook on life. I've been very EMBARRASSED to speak about this to anyone. Sure, you can see I'm overweight and I know it - I may not be the brightest bulb in the house but I know I have to change the way I live for myself and my family. I got into good shape before and can look at those photos above and know that I can get there again. It will be much harder now that I'm 8 years older, have much more responsibilities, etc. but it will be worth it in the end and I will appreciate it much more than I ever did before. Besides the Elliptical that is coming I also ordered the Ironmaster Adjustable Weight Dummbell Set. Two dummbells that go from 5-75 pounds each should do me fine for awhile. Those photos above - when I went from 300+ to 235 - all I done was elliptical exercises, dummbell exercises, and eating better. So, I know that's all I really need in order to get myself back on the right track. I don't expect this to be a quick process but a process that will slowly transform me from what I am now back to what I want to be once again. I'm not going to piss and moan about why things have happened the way they have. I just want to do something positive about it. I don't need fad diets, weird meal plans, Nutrisystem, The Biggest Loser, stomach surgery, etc. I NEED to just bust my ass - sweat hard - and take it one day at a time. So, to keep me on track I'll post within - the good and the bad. And I'll post photos each week of me "hopefully" dropping some substantial weight in the near future. I've got every reason in the world to eat right and exercise - I have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old little girl that don't need her daddy to drop dead of a heart attack because he couldn't stay away from a greasy cheeseburger. So good or bad - I'll post within here. I am not looking for sympathy or anything. In fact, I probably should have had a few people exercise some tough love with me over the past couple of years and made me snap out of this insanity. I've decided enough is enough and it's time for a change. I'll post within what I'm eating - feeling - etc. Not trying to get a Subway endorsement or a book deal out of it or anything. If I do what I set out to accomplish then just being healthier for myself and my family will be enough. BUT I did want some accountability. It's easy for me to tell myself that I can do this but when I put it out there - all of it out there - for everyone to see then I feel like I've got more riding on it. I don't want to fall on my face. Like I said above - its embarrassing to admit this - especially on a public forum. But it's needed and it's time I take some responsibility instead of looking for excuses on why I'm out of shape and severely overweight. Since I won't get the home gym until next week I won't start posting any photos until then. I "am" going to start on the nutrition portion of things again tomorrow though. Most days will consist of an apple and oatmeal (no sugar added) for breakfast, some fruit for a mid morning snack, a Slim Fast Type of shake at lunch, some other type of fruit/yogurt snack in the afternoon, and a decently healthy dinner. My wife is going to try and get more things that are healthier to eat and we are limiting "fast food" type of meals to one time a week if that. She's looking to lose some weight too and be healthier. Admitting this is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do believe it or not. Being overweight and eating too much is just like any other addiction that can spiral out of control. I'm no better than any other addict that can't put down their drug of choice. My drug just happens to be Big Mac's and Twinkies. You can follow along - or not - on this journey as I begin. Since I'm considered "morbidly obese" I know I can lose the weight quickly out of the gate if I stick with it. So, I'm going to lay out my goals and see if I can meet them to at least give me something to shoot for: Today, February 26, 2012 my weight is 385. Goals....... April 1 - 365 May 1 - 345 June 1 - 325 July 1 - 315 August 1 - 305 September 1 - 295 Now that I've put myself under the gun and put it all out here for everyone to see let's see if I can back up all of the stuff I just said. Thanks to anyone who actually read this entire novel!