Post Some of Your Favorite Jokes

Being a Wal-Mart greeter is like the top of the list of part time jobs for retirees, so I went in and applied, and naturally got the job, but I was let go before lunch. I was at my post when a big mean looking woman charged through the door dragging two small boys, cursing them every step of the way. I said to her in my best Wal-Mart Greeter greeting voice "welcome to Wal-Mart, those are lovely little boys, are they twins?" She bellowed " Hell no they's not twins, one is 5 and the otherins 7. You must be blind or stupid." I replied, "no I'm not blind, and I don't think I'm stupid. I just cannot believe you got laid twice." My supervisor said she didn't think I was cut out for the job.

 

Thats funny right there! I don't care who you are!

 

My girlfriend and I were having sex the other day when she looked at me and said, "Make love to me like in the movies."

So I [uck fay]ed her in the ass, pulled out, and finished all over her face and hair.

I guess we don't watch the same movies.

 

What's brown and rhymes with snoop?






Dr. Dre

 

Lots of good ones in this thread

 

This made me laugh more than it should have.

 

Great.

 

This one is for KB:

When is a woman too fat to [uck fay]?

When you pull her panties to her knees and there's still [ussy pay] in them

 

There once was a man named Dave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave.
And he said with a grunt
This is mighty cold [unt cay]
but look at the money I've saved.


I know it is not a joke, but I like it.

 

Sounds more like a toast to me.

 

Haiku, ftw.

 

Limerick

 

kb is correct. Perhaps a favorite limerick thread is called for?

 

Incest: Definitely relative, not always apparent.

 

Two office gals are talking about one's sore throat, a blonde. The other, non-blonde tells her when she gets a sore throat, she gives her husband a nice blow job, and it clears her throat right up. " You should try it too", and the blonde says "are you serious?" "Yes I am", says her coworker. The blonde exclaims, "I'm going to leave right now and give it a try."

The next morning, the blonde comes in with her sore throat gone, and she tells her friend, "wow, your advice was great, my sore throat is gone." The friend says "well how was it?" The blonde says, "oh it was nice, your husband couldn't believe you suggested it."

 

A ham sandwich walks into a bar.
Bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve food here."

 

Do you like fishsticks?

What are you a gay fish?

 

My old jokes.......


1.) What do East Indian women and hockey players have in common?


































Both change their pads after three periods

 

2.) What does 80 year old ***** taste like?






































Depends

 

On Christmas Eve, a couple was shopping and decided to go off separately but to keep in touch by cell phone. After an hour or two the wife rang her husband.

"Where are you?"

"Do you remember the jewelry store we went to about five years ago? The place where where you fell in love with that diamond necklace we couldn't afford but that I told you I'd buy for you one day?"

Tears came to her eyes. "Yes, I remember that store."

"Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."