Post Some of Your Favorite Jokes

Discussion in 'The Thunderdome' started by kidbourbon, May 29, 2012.

  1. kidbourbon

    kidbourbon Well-Known Member

    What animal has two thumbs and is ALWAYS looking for a blow job?


    THIS GUY!!!!!!

    [​IMG]
     
  2. IP

    IP Advanced Pruitt Apologetics Bot

    Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.


    And now you all know why I love to argue: a chance to use my experience.
     
  3. kidbourbon

    kidbourbon Well-Known Member

    What do you call a cow with Tourette Syndrome?


    Beef jerky
     
  4. warhammer

    warhammer Chieftain

    Why is 6 afraid of 7?

    Because, 7 8 9.
     
  5. govols182

    govols182 Honorary Mod

    Why do women wear white on their wedding day? So the dishwasher matches the other appliances.
    Why don't women need a driver's license? There isn't a road between the kitchen and the bedroom.
    What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you've already told her twice.
    What is loud and obnoxious? A woman
    Why did God create lesbians? So feminists couldn't breed.
    How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't, there's a clock on the stove.
    Why do men die before their wives? They want to


    You can tell I work with mostly men. lol
     
  6. fl0at_

    fl0at_ Humorless, asinine, joyless pr*ck

    Sodium and Chloride are walking down the beach, hand in hand, when suddenly Chloride gasps and says, "I think I've lost an electron!" Sodium is aghast, because he never loses an electron, and asks, "Are you sure?"

    Chloride responds, "I'm positive!"
     
  7. lumberjack4

    lumberjack4 Chieftain

    One of my favorites around the office:

    A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:

    "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend. I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

    The man below says, "Yes, you are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees North latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees West longitude."

    "You must be a programmer," says the balloonist.

    "I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

    "Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost."

    The man below says, "You must be a project manager"

    "I am," replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

    "Well," says the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You have made a promise which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault."
     
  8. kidbourbon

    kidbourbon Well-Known Member

    Nice.
     
  9. tvolsfan

    tvolsfan Chieftain

    Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? Because she was a women.
     
  10. kidbourbon

    kidbourbon Well-Known Member

    Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench chatting about their weekly game of bridge. Suddenly, a guy comes by and flashes them.

    One of the ladies had a stroke.
    The other one couldn't reach it.
     
  11. CardinalVol

    CardinalVol Uncultured, non-diverse mod

    Two men walked into a bar.

    The third one ducked.
     
  12. O+W=H.

    O+W=H. New Member

    Barbara Dooley
     
  13. Tar Volon

    Tar Volon Me Blog @RockyTopTalk.com

    What did one flatlander say to the other?
    'Dimension of us never got around.'

    What did the toothless termite say when he walked in to the Shaggy Star Bar?
    'Is the bar tender here?'
     
  14. justingroves

    justingroves supermod

    Best one yet
     
  15. XXROCKYTOPXX

    XXROCKYTOPXX Chieftain

    Solid
     
  16. kidbourbon

    kidbourbon Well-Known Member

    Last night I attended a convention for women who had lost their legs.

    Place was crawling with [ussy pay].
     
  17. CardinalVol

    CardinalVol Uncultured, non-diverse mod

    Heard this one today -

    What do you call a pig who knows karate?

    A pork chop!
     
  18. Tenacious D

    Tenacious D The law is of supreme importance, or no importance

    Good one.
     
  19. Oldvol75

    Oldvol75 Super Bigfoot Guru Mod

    The US Navy now has an all female submarine crew, there are no seamen on board!
     
  20. kptvol

    kptvol Super Moderator

    What is brown and sticky?

    A stick.
     

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