Words to Live By

Well, all I'm saying is that I want to look back and say that I did I the best I could while I was stuck in this place. Had as much fun as I could while I was stuck in this place. Played as hard as I could while I was stuck in this place... Dogged as many girls as I could while I was stuck in this place

 

If it weren't for that thing between their legs, they'd all have a bounty on their heads.

 

"Be like dad and not like siss, lift the lid, before you piss."

 

Women are the ones that want it up. You can teach a monkey to work a hinged object in a week. Surely a woman could learn in 10 years or so.

 

U put it up, u put it down. Idgaf if u lift the seat or not, just wipe it off when ur finished

 

You all can hover. Or learn to stand and do it the right way.

 

or just put it back down, it's not rocket science, or hard labor, or anything. quit making a big deal out of it. geez.

 

Liquor is like sex. No matter how much it costs, it can only be so good.

 

Sex is kind of like pizza. Even when it's kinda bad, it's still pretty good.

 

Sex is like feeding a tic-tac to a whale. At least in my experience.

 

When fresh and hot, yes!! Not a fan of day old, cold pizza myself

 

The little lady had me house broken before we were married.

 

I guess it depends on how hungry you are.

 

Gotta love this guy.

 

Winner.

 

Bucks with short horns stand close, the next buck maybe barefoot.

 

I'm proud of her

 

Of course you are. That's what you broads shoot for and sit around and brag about to each other.

 

Nothing like running to the restroom in the middle of the night and sitting down, only to feel like you've fallen ass first into a swimming pool

 

I woke up this morning at 3 and went and sat on the commode with the lights out. A few seconds later my wife walks in and I grunted at her. She screamed and slammed the door. I couldn't go back to sleep because I was laughing so hard.